Guilt is a funny word isn't it? Its one that festers long after you've broken up with someone whether it was a semi-good relationship or a relationship that turned bad, which is what happened to me. We as a human race always feel guilty about something. Think about it...We feel guilty if we ate too much food in one day, if we didn't go to the gym, if we felt like we didn't study enough for an exam or if we weren't nice to a particular person. Guilt is something we all experience at some point in our lives. It is one of those sneaky emotions that gets inside your head and makes you sometimes re-evaluate your self-worth as a person.
Guilt after relationships end sometimes make you think "Were you good enough?" or it makes you consider the "what if's" What if I changed this about me or with if I did everything he wanted me to do....would he have still loved me?" The answer that is staring blaringly in my face is "NO!" Even if I had changed, even if I did everything he wanted me to, the relationship would have ultimately ended because we were not right for each other. Another book I read said, "It's a break up because its broken" and that is absolutely correct. There was too much going wrong with the relationship and ultimately wrong with him that shows me I would have just been miserable. When I think logically about it all, he was not good enough for me. If he was right for me, if he was the one, he would have realized he missed out on someone who was really a great person and who really loved him. If he truly cared and loved me, he would have also not treated me the way he did.
So what to do with this guilt? Guilt is tough but I know one of those feelings that can go away with time. So right now at this particular time I am letting go of my guilt very slowly but surely. I am trying to live life to its fullest so to say. I'm going out with different people, going out dancing which I love doing and trying to work my way up to doing new things every day! I'm trying to feed my soul with things that make me feel good about me rather than replacing "Jerk" with someone else to fill that void. Filling that void with someone else is difficult, but something I am getting better with time!
As a side note, I thought it would be cool to post some fun things I've done over the past few weeks that have helped me feel good about me:
1) Latin night with one of my good friends (Kristen) and a few mutual friends! Dancing the night away to merengue, bachatta, and salsa made me feel free and happy!
2) Getting ice cream at Ben and Jerry's (Free Cone Day) with one of my good friends (Stef)
3) Movie night/sleepover at one of my friend's house while watching "Black Swan"
4) blaring my favorite tunes while driving to work!
5) Hanging out with new people and really getting to know them!
6) Shopping day with some cool people!
Until next time, there will be more to come that I can hopefully add to the list!